the little things ♥

2012-01-22T16:13:00.001+08:00

Favourite girl.

Goodbye

2012-01-19T00:05:00.003+08:00

I won't let you close enough to hurt me.

No I won't let you, you to just desert me.

Next time I'll be braver, I'll be my own savior.

Standing on my own two feet.

People always leave, and sometimes they never come back.

2012-01-17T01:02:00.002+08:00

Tonight is just a reminder of how much I miss the certainty I felt when I'm with you. How easy it was to be who I am when I'm with you. No judgment. Just honesty and truth. You saw the strengths in me when all I could see was my flaws. You never judged me, and you made sure I knew how valuable I was. You reminded me to always strive for my goals, you always had this fearless streak in you, and whenever I feel down, you're the one who would always come up to me and say, "You deserve better".

And just for the record, each time you said those words, I believe in myself even more.

I miss you, friend. A friendship like ours is so hard to find, but it's harder to hold on to. I just feel like I need you here to tell me that I'm gonna be okay and I haven't lost my way just yet.

2012-01-09T23:54:00.002+08:00

If I were to repeat my life after O's all over again, I wouldn't change any of the choices that I've made. Choosing poly over JC, knowing that the education would be shorter and faster, was kinda a tough decision, but I have no regrets choosing poly. The things I've learnt, all the soft skills, has made me become a better person professionally, and I got to experience sooooooooooo many things that I wasn't even sure I liked before this, and the people I met and the friends I've made, all these little things gave me so much to remember. And I know after the tough weeks ahead, it'll still be hard for me to say goodbye to this place.

Ahhh the future stinks.

2012-01-02T03:44:00.001+08:00

Second day of 2012:

You're hurting me more than you should.

I remember last year everything was just so full of hope, now everything seems so depressing.

Farewell 2011

2011-12-31T02:50:00.003+08:00

Finally the end of another year. Wow, time flies huh. I have to say 2011 hasn't been easy. Honestly, I remembered it being so up and down and unpredictable. But 2011 had too many fond memories, and I am thankful for all the friends (old or new) that I've become so close with. New friendships, new relationships, new experiences, it has been a journey, a tough one no less. So as I say goodbye to another year, as always I hope that 2012 will make me more wiser than 2011 lololololol, but no, I just hope for another good year with good company, and more and more opportunities to travel (with or without friends but I shall not get into that matter).

2012, bring it on ;)

And just for the record, you're one of the best things that happened to me this year :)

2011-12-16T04:04:00.003+08:00

I get jealous seeing others living the life that I wanna have.

I get jealous, then I get sad.

2011-12-02T00:45:00.002+08:00

Next week is just gonna be a roller coaster ride and I just have to come out of it alive. My brain has been going on and on, trying to ensemble a perfect schedule in my head but it's just not working and I am royally freaked out. I hate the lack of time. I hate last minute and the pressure that comes with it. God bless my soul, after 12 December I'm gonna roam far far away and reward myself with a well deserved break before persevering on to group projects. Three more months!!

2011-12-01T01:29:00.002+08:00

Why is it always about money?

Fuck it, I don't want to live in a future where money is a problem. I'm gonna make sure that I earn more than enough to support myself and my parents and my future children. Depend on husband? Please. I'd rather depend on myself and be a workaholic if I have to. Because I don't want to live another day having to worry about whether I have enough in my bank to support my lifestyle.

That's just not me, I've been in that situation with my family and I know how it feels like and I refuse to be a part of that kind of society anymore.

Wake up, study hard, earn big bucks, be happy and contented. Die. The end.

4th!

2011-11-25T01:25:00.005+08:00

So today I had my interview which I was nervous about because I came unprepared. Chilled at the atrium for 2 hours because all of them had classes and I was just killing myself with scenarios in my head, but everything went better than expected ;)

But of course, on important days like today, the weather decided to be a bitch and it poured and poured and so, we were stuck in school. Seoul garden was most definitely out of the question and we were both pretty disappointed seeing how excited we were to finally have a buffet together! So we did the next best thing which was to just have dinner at school (it was 7 at the rain got heavier and heavier). After that, we made our way to ourspace. He watched Monte Carlo and I took a nap. It was such a nice weather to sleep and I had his sweater on so it was warm and cozy ^^. After chilling and lazing around for hours, we decided to head off and made a stopover at CWP for some warm coffee. Caramel Macchiato for me, and Java Chip for him. We had a lot of fun spamming pictures and we rambled on and on and on about anything and everything as always.

Overall, everything went better than expected :)

2011-11-18T00:00:00.002+08:00

3 months later, everything will be different.

I won't be in school anymore.

I'll probably be working.

I'll probably be enjoying and holiday-ing.

Or I'll probably plan for uni.

6 months later, everything will be different.

Perhaps a new school.

Definitely a new environment.

New priorities.

New 'life'.

We're running out of time.

2011-11-15T23:50:00.002+08:00

Today's just one of those sweet little days that made me so thankful to have you around. After a week of not truly hanging out and enjoying each other's company, I'm so glad for the opportunity to spend half the day with you, even if it's at crowded Mustafa looking for random things and bickering half the time. It's amazing how one can take alot of shit from the other when they're in love. But nonetheless, it was a good Tuesday, and I just feel really lucky <3

2011-11-05T01:33:00.002+08:00

Decided to skip school and stayed at home today, which was prolly one of the best decisions I've made so far. Was pretty stoned the whole day, partly due to medication and partly due to something else as well. Thank God for bff who didn't mind meeting me at Woodlands instead after finding out that I was sick. We talked about a lot of things really. But mostly we talk about money.... and work. I really hope our plans will work out eventually <3

Just had another long conversation with M over the phone. This girl gets so hyper at night, even when she's sick. What would I do without you babe :')

And I am still bummed cos I had to skip gym. Was really looking forward to shedding some calories and I already packed my bag and everything. But oh well, today was a well deserved break, well, at least to me.

2011-10-30T03:31:00.002+08:00

I'm just done. I swear to God sometimes I just don't even know why I keep trying because at the end of the day I just end up hurting myself with stupid expectations. I can't keep doing this and honestly I feel pathetic enough to just quit.

I quit.

2011-10-15T02:47:00.003+08:00

Nights like these. I wish I could raise the white flag and just give up and sink into my never-ending sorrow. And I'd just weep and weep until it makes me feel better.

Hahahahahah sigh.

2011-10-04T02:55:00.002+08:00

I am not blessed with the perfect looks or the perfect body. I am not blessed with buckets of money that enables me to offset the parts of myself that I hate through materialistic things such as clothes. I have my really ugly days, my semi-ugly days and yes I do have my 'I-feel-pretty' days. And I've had years to come to terms with all my imperfections and be okay with it. AND TRUST ME IT IS NOT EASY FOR YOU TO FEEL OKAY AND FINE WITH WHAT YOU LACK.

But really, guys, REAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY. Sometimes your low EQ just frustrates me.

I'm sorry I just overthink and overanalyze all the damn time. Maybe that explains why I'm so 'moody'. Or maybe it's the fact that half the time you say things that affects me negatively (consciously or unconsciously) and expect me to be okay with it?!?!?!?!?!??

2011-09-21T01:08:00.002+08:00

Disappointed.

2011-09-12T03:04:00.000+08:00

But despite everything I've said before,

I love you.

Still.

2011-09-12T01:45:00.003+08:00

Like:

Really really good interesting two-way conversation that involves EVERYTHING and ANYTHING.

Dislike:

People who think I won't do fine on my own. I mean seriously guys, c'mon, there is a reason why I was perfectly happy on my own for the last, idk, 38473975347502539 years??!?!

Honestly, give me some credit. I like being independent more than being dependent so that statement might clear up a few things.

#justsaying.

2011-09-11T02:09:00.001+08:00

Am I really such a boring person?

Yeah well, I guess I am.

Rush rush rush

2011-09-10T03:44:00.002+08:00

In a way I'm thankful that I'm now currently overwhelmed with work & meetups. Really can't wait to meet M, I really miss talking to her and our crazy antics together! And the raya outing will definitely be one of the things I look most forward to! It's been a while since all of us hang out and have some fun, and I bet it's gonna be another round of kecoh-ness. And on top of all that I have work, and I've taken up reading yet again (and it has been helping me keep my mind shut off) andddd I'm on the 'healthy' road once again, which means I'll be exercising often, which will then make me feel good inside and out (and get me back in shape). Haven't plan the next next week's schedule but I bet it'll be as jam packed as this one seeing how I have to meet up with tons of people so I don't neglect any of them!

And I'm feeling good about October. A new job, new surrounding. I think God knew I needed something new in my life. But yeah my schedule's all planned and everything. Really excited and hope I can build my resume with the job (how forward thinking).

Is it too early to plan November and December's schedule?

2011-09-08T15:45:00.002+08:00

Days when I don't feel like talking to you.

Because if I do, I'll get frustrated and angry, and then I get disappointed and sad.

It's pathetic really how my emotions tend to revolve around you. It's pathetic to see me in a sorry state, it's pathetic and it makes me really angry at myself because I don't seem to have any control of my emotions.

I hate this.

I hate who I've become when you're here.

And I don't think I'll ever get used to this.

2011-09-08T15:38:00.002+08:00

So are you gonna further your studies after you graduate?

Yeah, I really think I am.

How did he take it?

He's... okay with it? Happy for me?

You sure?

Hmmmmm...

2011-09-01T10:34:00.001+08:00

It was a sweet 19th, and I couldn't ask for more, really :')

and so,

2011-08-19T01:20:00.002+08:00

Exams in a few hours time.

Life's been.... up and down lately.

I really just can't wait for this to be over.

And for holidays to start.

Hari Raya.

Work.

Cash.

Company of good friends doing crazy things and having crazy adventures.

And countless seconds/minutes/hours/days with you <3

Wake me up when 26th August (4.30pm) ends.

I love you but I've chosen darkness

2011-07-04T11:19:00.001+08:00

It's so sinful to be happy.

But I am.

2011-05-25T00:23:00.002+08:00

We are programmed to try over and over.

Because it shows that we care.

And it's because I care,

I will always try.

Even when my patience is wearing thin,

Even when a part of me is just tired of hearing excuses,

I will try.

Because friends don't give up on friends,

Do they?

2011-05-01T20:43:00.003+08:00

I do remember the swing of your step

The life of the party, you're showing off again

And I roll my eyes and then you pulled me in

I'm not much for dancing but for you I did

2011-03-18T00:27:00.002+08:00

You and me, against the whole corporate society. We'll make it through :)

For the first time in a long while

2011-03-02T02:28:00.001+08:00

Can't really sleep even though I have a really heavy paper tmr. Forgive me but I'm feeling quite excited, but I'm feeling a little out of touch. I've been over analysing and over contemplating the whole situation, like I always do even though it's really not much of a big deal and I should really see it for what it is. Just a little innocent... ah heck it! May everything turn out alright and I would have something to feel good about by the end of the day tmr! :)

2011-01-07T01:03:00.002+08:00

The only reason I'm not backing down and taking the easy way out is because I know I can do it. Though I may falter, or feel overly intimidated, I have to remember to just keep my head in the game and carry on.

2011-01-01T18:31:00.002+08:00

Oh my how much time has flew by since we last met. 2010 came and went and here I am at the start of 2011 feeling indifferent. The only thing I'm actually looking forward to is using my new daily planner. It's really pretty and cheap hehe ^^. Not really sure what's to come for the months ahead, all I know is as of now I'm bombarded with deadlines deadlines deadlines. The two months ahead will be a mad rush I bet. And March will be all work for me. Time's gonna fly so fast, I just hope I will manage to keep my head in the game.

See you soon rainymondayy! May the year ahead be good to the both of us!

2010-11-14T17:39:00.002+08:00

Saturday:
- Swimming
- Tom Yam Ban Mian
- Cake Boss
- Sup tulang omnomnom
- Glee

Sunday:
- Rain is falling on my head
- CSI
- Cake Boss (again)
- Ayam lemak cili padi with sambal goreng
- Schoolwork
- Movie later hohoho

Pretty neat weekend :)

Yesterday

2010-11-13T00:39:00.001+08:00

An interesting lunch
Stupid accounting module that screws with my brain
Ban mian
As told by Ginger
Starbucks
Laughter, lots of it

I kinda like today.

2010-10-14T01:28:00.002+08:00

I met someone who made me believe that there is hope after all. Coincidence, that's all it ever is really.

2010-10-05T23:51:00.000+08:00

2010-09-30T00:36:00.002+08:00

I fought for you
Even when all you cared about was yourself
There were countless days when all I could do was blame myself
Countless regrets, unspoken words.
But the war is over
And I have lost
They say what doesn't kill you make you stronger
So thank you, for hurting me with your thoughtless words
For taking me for granted
For pushing me so far down it got so hard for me to breathe
And thank you, for making me a stronger person.

In this moment now, capture it remember it

2010-09-29T03:12:00.003+08:00

Hi Rainymondayy,

It's been way too long I don't know where to start. Things are looking up. It seems like I've dug myself a hell hole but I managed ^^. I'm feeling pretty optimistic. Work has been great, I've been learning a lot, both work & life skills. It will all be okay, it will all be okay.

Won't be seventeen forever

2010-08-26T22:24:00.001+08:00

Eighteen. Good times.

2010-08-21T04:32:00.003+08:00

Dinner with the bffxzxzx a while back :D

Truth be told I miss you, truth be told I'm lying :P

2010-08-20T00:57:00.003+08:00

'I deserve better'. A phrase so commonly used when you feel like you're giving up on something and you're afraid. But honestly, if you think you deserve better, most probably you do. Don't bow down to some dude just because he manages to make you feel good for erm 1 hour, 2 hours, and then decides to forget you for the next 22 hours. Chances are, he's just having 'fun' with you. Do you think he really cares about how you feel? About how everything he does make your heart sing? He really doesn't. Which means you shouldn't too.

You deserve better. You deserve someone who makes you feel good every single day, without even needing him to be physically there. If he's a thousand miles away, but he still makes you feel safe, then chances are you've found the most amazing person on earth. You deserve someone makes you feel like every part of you is worth a million bucks. I'm serious. Someone who believes in your flaws, your hobbies, your dreams. Someone who would take time off to listen to you ramble on and on about the book you just read, the song you just heard, the shoe you want to buy. You deserve all that.

So this guy who makes your heart ache in the middle of the night by not texting you or calling you or caring about whether you got home safe or not? Ditch him. Even if you do manage to get him, chances are you will never be enough for him. He'll end up cheating, or worse still, breaking your heart even more. And chances are, he will never be enough for you either.

Don't let anyone deflate any part of who you are. You really DO deserve better, and sometimes better things are hard to come by. Wait for it. I trust that it'll be worth all those 'lonely' nights :)

Rusty halo

2010-08-03T00:59:00.002+08:00

He: "I know it's so much easier to fall back into the same old pattern when you're thrown into the hands of uncertainty. But sometimes, you just have to face that fear of the unknown and carve new patterns when the old patterns aren't working out for you anymore."

She: "But what if the new pattern ends up killing me instead of saving me?"

He: "Then you make another new one. There's no definite pattern that will lead you through life unscathed. Life is like a maze of.. choices, mistakes, decisions. And these patterns? They're like your own footprints through life. So take one step at a time, dear girl. You don't have to tie yourself down to mistakes you did in the past. It's time you make a new pattern and let that define you instead of this old one. Change is always good."

2010-08-02T23:24:00.002+08:00

I'm sick of thinking.
Sick of doubting what to do.
Sick of always doing the wrong things.
Sick of always chasing the wrong things.
Just sick.

2010-07-18T01:56:00.003+08:00

Truth #0:

Honestly, I never regretted getting to know you, spending all those times together. It was good. And up till now, it still amazes me how close we got over a short period of time. BUT all I know is that, I gave it almost my all, and that's all I can ask for. I played my cards right. And okay, maybe the only thing I ever regretted, EVER, is that.. I spend too much time worrying about how my actions or feelings would affect others. I spend too much time trying to play it safe, not to step on anyone's toes. And right now, I really just... don't care. Haha, people change, feelings change. It may still be the same players playing the game but the cards are different now. The stake is different. And for once, I feel... safe. I have nothing more to hide. You can either take it, or leave it. Either way, it wouldn't affect me one bit. Feelings change. Yours did, so did mine.

2010-07-15T03:21:00.002+08:00

Instant high after 10 rounds. It's like my personal form of happy pills. And just for the night, everything was crystal clear and it felt.. amazing.

2010-07-05T01:48:00.002+08:00

I am so disappointed with almost everyone around me. But mostly, I'm just disappointed with myself.

Impossible

2010-07-02T00:27:00.001+08:00

Tell them what I hoped, would be impossible.

Because I want it all

2010-06-25T02:58:00.000+08:00

You're physically there, but you're not there. Your wandering eyes travel back and forth and for a moment, you caught my eyes, and I caught yours. It's like we had a mutual understanding. It's like our own secret game, something to keep us occupied, in place. Nonetheless, it was fun, although it meant absolutely nothing. But thanks. A lot.

Mmhmm

2010-06-20T11:35:00.002+08:00

Hi I'm waiting for Atiqah to get ready now cos she kinda woke up late?!? Haha and I know I owe myself a good proper update here. So much has happened since the start of school and I find myself constantly CONTEMPLATING my movements and actions and now I'm just tired. Tired BUT happy. Which technically, is good, right? I miss hanging out just the three of us, me, wani & atiq. We haven't done it in SUCH A LONG TIME. Omg what happened?!? Haha life happened. Ok BUT, the good thing about the first term was that I FINALLY met up with Naz, and almost all my girls. Effort really does pay off my friends. And while I'm typing this I just remembered that I need to send my projectmates my findings and speaking of projects I REALLY HOPE WE CAN FINISH IT BY NEXT WEEK. Which probably means a whole lot of late nights. This is what happens when you enjoy too much during the first week of holidays. I kinda 'stole' my nephew's guns from his toy box heh heh it's really fun to play with! It's for camp though :/ And speaking of camp hopefully it'll be awesome. AND HAPPY FATHER'S DAYYYYYYYYYYY!

See you soon (L)!

2010-06-19T01:16:00.002+08:00

Everyone needs someone, eventually. The key word is EVENTUALLY.

Whatever tomorrow brings

2010-06-17T01:59:00.002+08:00

I may be walking away, but I'm not giving up. Everybody gets a chance, I'll wait for mine.

Maybe I'm not ready, but I'll try

2010-06-12T01:08:00.000+08:00

Today was definitely a good day. EBA was actually pretty okay, surprisingly. So the CTs ended on a good note. So after that, as usual, the bunch decided to go-cart. But we headed to Felix's movie screening first cos he needed support for his I&E. The show was pretty hilarious but one by one we moved out of the room cos we didn't want to be late for go-karting. And we TRIED being discrete about it, but I think it's kinda obvious that we just wanted to get out of the movie screening? HAHA. Anyway, took Jeremy's car to Boon Lay, or specifically, Joo Koon go-karting centre. Matilda and I were the 'virgins' of go-karting so we were pretty excited about it. We couldn't race as a group so it was the guys first then the girls. Had to wear a hairnet before wearing the helmet, for hygiene purposes, and we look extremely ridiculous! :P

SO when it was our turn to go-kart, it was really... heart-racing. I was so scared I would crash during my first round. And I DID crash into the first tyre but after that it was pretty smooth sailing. After that, decided to push my luck and tried drifting! Omg my heart was jumping like crazy. No wonder the guys went super fast it's really more fun that way hahahaha. Drifted, brake, slowed down etc. I'm the most accident prone, apparently. Nearly crashed into Wen Qian and my kart did a 360 degrees turn and I got stuck during the last lap D: but I was pretty happy about it hahahaha it was a good experience!

Then we headed off to the IT fair. Had our dinner then off we go squeezing around the place. Wilson got really good bargains for his iPhone covers. I was just enjoying the moment, and air-con. And we found out that there's warehouse sale going on there! Really excitingxzx. Then we headed off to AMK for Koi whoopwhoop!

I have a bruise the size of a 20-cent coin on my knee :O. And I just realized that I just blogged my whole Friday out. Haha ok I'm just really pumped and happy today. Have a good day ahead! And the World Cup fever is onnnnnnnnnn!

Day 4

2010-06-10T14:24:00.000+08:00

I've been too selfish. I've been so caught up with myself that I forget to about the people I love. A friend once said, 'Sometimes you do what you have to do, so you can do what you want to do.' Well said. I've been wanting this, wanting that, whining about how life is unfair, whining about how I deserve something more, when I haven't been doing enough to show that I deserve it.

So, I will stop whining about my life. Because I have the most amazing family, the most amazing parents (no matter how annoying they can be sometimes), the most amazing friends. It's time for me to appreciate what I have. It's time for me to be the better daughter, the better sister, the better friend, to be patient, to be kind and mostly, to be their pillar of strength. It's time for be to look at things in a different perspective, to give without expecting anything in return.

Then, maybe one day, I'll be deserving enough to get the one thing I want most.

But these things take backbone.

Day 3

2010-06-10T02:19:00.001+08:00

It feels like a huge heavy rock is finally lifted off of me. I'm beginning to breathe again.

Day 2

2010-06-09T01:19:00.003+08:00

I looked through my notes and I saw your name. And the thing is, I had to go through my notes about five times? Sad reminders.

But these things take time, love.

Day 1

2010-06-07T21:44:00.000+08:00

Hi. A decent post this time, I promise!

Today marked the first CT paper, and all in all, it wasn't too bad. But today also marked the first day of the first step, if you know what I mean. Finally spent time with the bunch eating breakfast at MacD. Felt like ages since we hung out together as a group and it feels nice to fall back into the old pattern. Random jokes, stories etc. = an awesome first day. When I reached home, I had a long nap and after that it was just revision for me. Life was.. simple. Finally. I had time to sort out my thoughts and I'm beginning to feel right again, I'm making the right decision. Or whatever. But of course, there were times during the day when they constantly reminded me of what I would miss by the time everything's over...

But of course, today hasn't been THAT smooth sailing. Found out a few things that pissed me off, but I just decided to brush it off, eventually. No one cares and no really wants to know, that's the only thing that matters nowadays.

But it's okay. Everything will fall into place. It still hurt somewhere, but I'll get over it. I'll get over it. Eventually.

Self-righteous moment

2010-06-06T17:33:00.000+08:00

Today, I realize that, nobody's gonna care enough for you. Nobody's gonna care enough to break down any walls. Nobody really wants to be there for you when you break down. All your so-called friends? They don't care. So all you've got is yourself. You have to pick up the pieces, you have to PRETEND that it doesn't hurt, you have to PRETEND that you don't care, you have to PRETEND that you're strong enough, you have to PRETEND that the loneliness is not killing you, you have to pretend over and over again. And eventually I guess you'll be strong enough.

So whatever it is, good luck to all of you. All the best in life, love, studies, everything. Because after this I just can't be bothered anymore. Maybe being a self-righteous ignorant bitch will be good for me. I'll have all the time in the world to work on myself. So fuck you.

2010-06-05T20:59:00.000+08:00

I think my heart just broke. Or maybe it cracked, or something. Goodbye.

2010-05-28T00:14:00.002+08:00

I love what I do, I mean it, I really do. But I hate it when I'm forced to do what I love to do. Kinda takes all the fun out of it. It's wearing me out.

And I'm writing again.

Random x 8493534950530

2010-05-27T00:22:00.000+08:00

It's graduation week, and I'm feeling a little nostalgic. Haha I know right. Seeing all the seniors in their graduation gowns, taking the inevitable graduation jump shots, and knowing that my time is coming way too fast. Makes me feel all a littleeeeee tangled up inside. I wish time would just slow down for a while. I need to make some things last. AND, I need to finish my assignments and study. HAHA.

See you whenever!

And this part was for her

2010-05-22T01:51:00.000+08:00

What if at the end of the day, it wasn't worth it? BUT what if it's worth everything?

I'm gone and you're still there

2010-05-20T01:26:00.000+08:00

So here I am again, alone. I should get used to this right? But the thing is, I don't. I never do. Is it wrong for me to hope? Do you NOT want me to hope? Do you think I don't deserve one of the best things in life? Is this karma for some mistake I did in the past? Cos if it is, please, make it stop. Because I'm forgetting how it feels like to REALLY feel again. And I'm just afraid I'll forget FOR GOOD.

Nasi Briyani FTW!

2010-05-16T20:48:00.000+08:00

HI. It's a cold Sunday and I've been cooped up in my room since 3+ doing projects, tutorials and shit. My head's swimming with countless deadlines/thoughts/whateverothercommitmentsIhave. Omg what happened to Sunday being a lazy day? MORE LIKE A CHIONG DAY. Raaaaaaah but the weather's just too perfect for sleep. And I.really.dont.know.how.to.stop.this.ache.in.my.brain.heart.mind.soul.

HDFBFBSFHSKHBFSDJFSHDBFDSJHFSF.

But I did watch Gossip Girl and I had an awesome dinner.

For you are

2010-05-16T01:52:00.000+08:00

At least, I am happy. And at least, I've felt what I've not felt for a long while now.

For you are the only exception.

That's what she said

2010-05-07T23:45:00.000+08:00

And so she said, "Aren't you only setting yourself up for disappointment? You know too well how it works. Don't hope. Before you get in too deep, get out."

Take me with you

2010-05-06T01:11:00.000+08:00

Randomly listening to Secondhand Serenade and remembered you. Thank you for all the semi-thoughtless actions & words that forced me to be stronger.

2010-05-05T23:56:00.000+08:00

Oh my, my memory's getting from bad to worse :/I'm beginning to forget what I did a week ago and this.. sucks. BUT it gives me the right reason to blog heh heh.

So hmm.. where do I start? Second week of school was fine. Can't say it was awesome, BUT, it was manageable. Had Amirul's 18th celebration at Makan Place on Tuesday. It was prettyyyy epic, as far as I recalled haha. Won't elaborate much on it. Wednesday to Friday was BA_Comm RD. Pretty hectic with things lined up after one another but we did fairly well and hopefully, we'll be able to continue this :) Weekends were just spent with the family and ended the week with a little get together with my girls. Good times, good times.

All in all, it was definitely better than the week before that week so hurray!

So anyway,

Matilda and I spent quality time together during lecture by playing...

UNO! But unfortunately, we lost. TO THE COMPUTER. Sigh.

That was just random. HAHA.

I swear I don't know where this is going.

2010-04-30T10:18:00.001+08:00

I'm usually bored so ask me stuff!

http://www.formspring.me/azatai

Like the sun

2010-04-26T23:05:00.000+08:00

Thank goodness for amazing friends. Without them, I don't know how I could survive the dreadful weekend. Today was a blur for me. With what's been happening at home, school was like my little getaway. But not exactly a nice happy getaway since now I'm flooded with tutorials that I don't even understand :/ At least there's no drama. First week of school started out alright. Was busy with Glow Party. Dance4Fund on Thursday. Shit happened on Friday but the night was good. And weekends. Sigh. You have no idea.

Sigh. I'm becoming more and more bad-tempered. I lose my cool so fast it's almost scary. And I'm just gonna blame it solely on PMS :) May my moodswing swing away faster haha.

See ya next time silly.

That's the way of life, my friend

2010-04-21T23:00:00.000+08:00

It's been a while huh. Maybe today is just a bad day but whatever it is, it got me thinking. Action really speaks louder than words. And it's really not easy searching for a group where you can truly be yourself around. And I think I may never find one. I find myself continuously lying not to anyone else but myself. And the bad thing about lying to yourself is that you have this huge bundle of pent up feelings. And additionally, it kinda sucks even more when you realise that the people you really need to talk to are really busy, and besides talking about your own feelings is just too boring for busy people like them. And besides, who really cares about my feelings anyway?

Ok bye wanna watch movie.

Lavender

2010-04-14T12:30:00.000+08:00

Good morning! Finally, a well-deserved day at home. Had fried noodles for breakfast and now I'm sipping my coffee while waiting for movies to load.

The past few days were great, as always. Spent time with the bunch at town and did a little mini-shopping & watched a movie. Yesterday was chalet time for me. Although it rained, we still managed to have a bbq so it's all good. And what made it EVEN better was that I had a ride home so no public transport for me yay!

I'm sure the next few days are gonna be as awesome as the first few. Looking forward :D

Till then, have a terrific Wednesday! ;)

random 101

2010-04-12T03:35:00.000+08:00

Dear Rainymondayy,

I will write more letters.
I will save.
I will shop like crazy on Saturday. BUT WITH A BUDGET.
I will prioritize.
I will have an awesome time this week, despite ANYTHING.
I will stay happy.

/end.

magic

2010-04-06T00:58:00.000+08:00

I should stop thinking, and start enjoying. Besides, it's a win-win situation right? I'm happy, you're happy, the end!

Although sometimes... I just wished the magic could've lasted a little longer.

2010-04-02T22:37:00.000+08:00

I need a day. Where there's no expectations, no list of chores, nothing. A day without any interruption from the outside world. A day where no one would tell me what I should be doing.

Just a day filled with absolutely nothing.

And I'm sure after that I'll be more than okay.

Baby, baby, baby, OOOOOOOOOHHHHHH

2010-03-30T11:57:00.000+08:00

FOC was, by far, the most scariest, terrifying, amazing & awesome experience ever. It's like jumping off from a cliff not knowing whether you'll survive. And I know, despite it all, all the sacrifices I've made for the past two months were so worth it.

(L)!

Cos I'm thinking maybe..

2010-03-19T00:48:00.000+08:00

I'm finally numb so please don't get me rescued.

2010-03-16T23:53:00.002+08:00

SUPPPPPP!

Back from the short getaway. If I'm motivated enough, I'll write the whole trip down. But till then, ;)

2010-03-13T01:11:00.000+08:00

Fly fly flying!! See you in a couple of days ;)

2010-03-11T23:06:00.000+08:00

I was never comfortable with any of you. And there were so many times I wished my people were there to lighten up the moment, to make me feel less handicapped. To remind me that I don't need to change, that I'm good enough being me. But all I can do now is suck it up. Suck it up till I can't anymore.

NJKDSLNFSLKNNLNGSG.

I'm flying off on Saturday, and I can't wait. Feels good leaving those who never cared enough about me. But kinda feels shitty leaving those who cares :/

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT.

2010-03-01T01:08:00.002+08:00

I want out.

2010-02-23T02:42:00.001+08:00

Overwhelming thoughts. About everything that shouldn't matter. What's wrong with me? Should've been better than that, stronger.

OK.

229th

2010-02-15T23:26:00.000+08:00

I had the best Chinese New Year weekend ever!! Will blog about it later cos I kinda need to study?!?!? Sigh!

the party don't start till I walk in :P

2010-02-12T21:54:00.000+08:00

SUPPPPPPPPP!! I feel pretty productive today becauseeeeeeeeeeee I went through two chapters of MIEC yippee!!! Should've paid more attention in tutorials so it would've been easier for me to revise :/ BUT WHATEVER!!

I had a mass photo editing session and I feel so awesome right now!! Oh and not to mention I sent my laptop for servicing in the afternoon and they cleaned my laptop as well so it feels so spanking new and more awesome to type on it!?!? Oh which brings me to my next point. I'm gonna pimp my laptop right after exam cos my little dinosaur dropped off and it left an ugly 'scar'. Ra ra ra-a-a.

I'm boreddddddddddd. I'm finally starting on Vampire Diaries cos I'm running out of series to watch. All my favourites are either gone for good (think O.C, Veronica Mars etc.) or they're coming back during March/June?!?! As much as I want time to pass by faster, I don't want to start a whole new poly year so fast!! Year 1 is (more or less) the shitzx yo! AND I NEED A GOOD LONG HOLIDAY. SENTOSA/BATAM/KL/WHEREVER-MY-FAMILY-DECIDES-TO GO-IN-THE-END HERE I COME!!

Honestly, I have no idea what I'm talking about. Sigh sigh sigh ok I'll upload overdue photos that I think are cool or nice or whatever. FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE TEEHEE!! ;)

hey boy wassup!

2010-02-08T03:13:00.000+08:00

The whole of last week passed by in a rush. Marked the end of presentations with a sushi feast with the bunch and then headed off to town to slack. And S&W is finally over!! No more 8 am classes! Rejoice! And then had the overnight GL training. A whole lot of activities, and most of them were actually fun, but having only 2 hours of sleep sucked and I was like a zombie the whole day till I met the bunch to head off to Kian's birthday party. Had a good time with them, laughing our ass off over lame jokes mostly contributed by Felix haha. And then it's bed time for meeeeeeeeee.

I'm kinda bored but I just don't wanna sleep yet? I'm aimlessly searching random things on youtube, hoping to find an entertaining channel or something but I can't seem to find any??! Sigh. I should really start studying :/

when I say jump,

2010-01-30T22:59:00.000+08:00

Hi I kinda lost my voice so unless I get better by tmr or by monday morning, I should just kill myself cos all my presentation's next week har har har. And I kinda nvr had this problem before so imagine the shock when I realise I couldn't shout to my dad from the kitchen to ask if my breakfast was prata. SIGH.

Apart from my decline in health, this week was amazing! NOT. It was just average. Nothing much except for the performance on Friday. Oh and I've been reading the Sookie Stackhouse series online and I kinda miss reading?? Only God knows when was the last time I actually read a book. Stupid poly life. Haha no lah. I'm just getting tooooo lazy. I feel like going on a book spree. I'll start doing that after my exams. I think.

Speaking of being lazy, I really need to take a walk. I remembered how gung ho I was about exercising during my earlier holidays and how I would just go out and start walking and walking and walking.

Kinda miss that part of me now.

ANYWAY.

Everyone, meet my favourite vampire,

Yum yum, Take that Twlight!

sha la la

2010-01-27T00:00:00.000+08:00

I can't wait till next Friday; the official end of presentation week. Then it'll be mugging and the much anticipated holidays. Looking forward to it, although I don't think I'll be spending much of my holidays shaking my legs and rotting on my bed :/ But still!! Holidays are still holidays. And it'll be a good time for me to do some soul searching or whatever.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT k bye.

fire burning

2010-01-23T22:39:00.000+08:00

It's been a veryyyyy longgggggggg time since I felt this shagged. I'm having a killer headache and my throat is killing me. Which means nothing productive can be done today which means I should just head to bed! But it's Saturday and Saturday = late-nights-watching-online-tv-while-doing-work day. :(

Ah crap maybe I should just go and sleeeeeeeeeeeep.

happiness

2010-01-22T23:44:00.000+08:00

Today, happiness is when someone finally realizes that he misses your presence in his life.

At least it made me smile :)

everything in transit

2010-01-19T23:26:00.000+08:00

I got bbq-ed today, I swear. And all I wanted to do as soon as I reached home was to jump into an extremely cold shower. Sigh I can still feel the heat now!! :/

Today was exceptionally short, but sweet. Wasted time like no one's business with the bunch before heading for the meeting. Catch up session with my girl over dinner (cup noodles) before finally heading home :)

219th

2010-01-16T17:27:00.001+08:00

red & black

2010-01-14T23:24:00.000+08:00

I remembered feeling contented up till.. now. Sigh. Just when I thought things were going fine.

You have NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO idea how tough it is to be an outsider until you're one. I mean, not exactly outsider, but different from the rest. Like imagine being a red ball in a sea of black ball. It's like, as much as you try to 'fit in' to the norm, you know you're just meant to be different. You're meant to be red, and you're special because you're red. And you try to play along with the blacks even when YOU know it's not working for you. Because you don't want to burden them with your thoughts, because you know it's not really their fault. But what makes it so.. frustrating is when just because the red got used to the characteristics of the black, doesn't make the red ball, a black ball. It shows the black's lack of understanding. Lack of understanding for someone who is their friend. Dude, a mere 1 hour of you talking abt the black language is okay. But all the time? Rightttttttttt. Why don't I shove you into a sea of red balls who only talk red ball language then you'll know how it feels like. I bet you'll kill yourself already.

It's called give and take. I gave today, but I didn't get anything back. So lesson learnt. Don't bother HAHA jengjengjeng.

HONESTLY I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO GETS WHAT I'M SAYING. BUT IF YOU DO, THEN GOOD HEHE.

I miss my two people :'(

Work

2010-01-06T22:29:00.001+08:00

Omg I have so much to do and so little time! Now's really the time to plan my hours properly. Sigh :(

Hot, then you're cold

2009-12-31T22:18:00.000+08:00

Gonna squeeze in another one before the clock strikes 12!

2009 wasn't an amazing year. Well, for me at least. Sure there were good times but the bad times were more.. memorable. New school, new environment, changes here and there and mistakes were obviously made. 2009 did bring me closer to those who mattered more and made me realise who my true friends are. So I'm thankful. I guess every mistake I made brought me closer to the right thing, whatever the right thing is. So it's all good. For what it's worth, 2009, thanks for the memories.

2010, I'm pretty positive it'll be an awesome year. As for resolutions (and how I don't really stick to them), let's just say I hope to be a better person and stay true to who I truly am. May 2010 bring more happier days :)

Oh and on a random note, I'm FINALLY watching True Blood. And I'm browsing through apparels online. And I had my McFlurry in the afternoon. A great way to end 2009 alright (Y)!

a quarter of what I intended to write

2009-12-31T01:19:00.000+08:00

I used to be all hyper and excited on new years eve and usually I'll be making plans and cancelling them but this year, the mood's just not there. I even lost track of the date and didn't realise that today's the 31st until I was in the shower :O!! So maybe the whole poly thing's the reason why new years eve doesn't feel entirely new and exciting since next week's all projects and deadlines and tests. But heck, I'm gonna spend new years eve with the family like always and get myself a McFlurry or something cos I've been craving for it since the day the trio headed to Changi Airport and ended up at the Police Pass Off. EPIC FAIL.

all good

2009-12-27T00:36:00.000+08:00

Great events lined up for me for the next few days. Feeling slightly better now after the retail therapy session with the family on xmas. Nothing can beat the satisfaction of shopping, except food. HAHA. Watched a movie (finally), and if everything falls into place, gonna be watching another one on Monday followed by another session of retail therapy :)

Sunday's gonna be a good one. Hope we won't forget to take photos again :/ haha!

cos i need you now

2009-12-25T23:00:00.000+08:00

I found a place so safe, not a single tear
The first time in my life and now it's so clear
Feel calm, I belong, I'm so happy here
It's so strong and now I let myself be sincere
I wouldn't change a thing about it
This is the best feeling

I want to find that place. I need to.

;)

2009-12-19T23:57:00.000+08:00

I'm more than alright, I'm happy ;)

all we are

2009-11-28T23:57:00.003+08:00

I love this space, I really do. But there's this emptiness. Words just can't flow out like it used to. Sometimes I feel like I'm just doing it for the sake of doing it, y'know? Words just feel empty, no content whatsoever. So.. I'm gonna go, for awhile. Catch me at some place else, if you know what I mean ;)

we enter this world

2009-11-27T00:20:00.004+08:00

Silence is my new best friend. Because that's when I think straight.

Silence, silence, silence. Who would have thought..

just let it be

2009-11-17T22:23:00.000+08:00

It's so scary how numb I'm feeling now, when two months ago my emotions were on a roller coaster ride. Moving on, or just giving up?

Ah shit multiple bruises cos of Blow Wind Blow. But it was fun :)